77 more Lucky and Unlucky Wife Quotes and Sayings
By Twinty Karat
Here are more from our collection of Lucky/Unlucky Wife Quotes and Sayings gathered by Twinty Karat.
Lucky/Unlucky Wife Quotes and Sayings
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I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me. ~ Henny Youngman
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I’ve traveled the world and been about everywhere you can imagine. There’s not anything I’m scared of except my wife. ~ Lee Trevino
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Last year my wife got a Rolls-Royce. ~ Russell Simmons
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Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave. ~ Martin Luther
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Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. ~ Bill Cosby
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Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. ~ Zig Ziglar
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Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress; when I get tired of one, I spend the night with the other. ~ Anton Chekhov
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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. ~ Socrates
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
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My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. ~ Winston Churchill
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My toughest fight was with my first wife. ~ Muhammad Ali
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My whole working philosophy is that the only stable happiness for mankind is that it shall live married in blessed union to woman-kind – intimacy, physical and psychical between a man and his wife. I wish to add that my state of bliss is by no means perfect. ~ David Herbert Lawrence
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My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. ~ Winston Churchill
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife bought an extra life insurance policy on me. ~ Willie Aames
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My wife doesn’t care what I do when I’m away, as long as I don’t have a good time. ~ Lee Trevino
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. ~ Henny Youngman
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife is my first audience. She’s a tough lady, so I can’t say that I ever scare her. Except, of course, when she sees me the way I look before breakfast. ~ Dean Koontz
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
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My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. ~ Jack Benny
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife wanted my children to have some Chinese culture and education. She believes the children need to learn two languages and two cultures. ~ Jet Li
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife, my family, my friends – they’ve all taught me things about love and what that emotion really means. In a nutshell, loving someone is about giving, not receiving. ~ Nicholas Sparks
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
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Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. ~ P. J. O’Rourke
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Never take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in. ~ Benjamin Franklin
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Never write an advertisement which you wouldn’t want your family to read. You wouldn’t tell lies to your own wife. Don’t tell them to mine. ~ David Ogilvy
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No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. ~ Harold MacMillan
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No slave is a slave to the same lengths, and in so full a sense of the word, as a wife is. ~ John Stuart Mill
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Nothing flatters a man as much as the happiness of his wife; he is always proud of himself as the source of it. ~ Samuel Johnson
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Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she’s been givin’ me lately. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
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Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best. ~ Kin Hubbard
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Once his wife goes to sleep it takes a minor nuclear explosion to wake her. ~ Tony Blair
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One man’s folly is another man’s wife. ~ Helen Rowland
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Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. ~ Lyndon B. Johnson
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Passion is the evil in adultery. If a man has no opportunity of living with another man’s wife, but if it is obvious for some reason that he would like to do so, and would do so if he could, he is no less guilty than if he was caught in the act. ~ Saint Augustine
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People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. ~ Erma Bombeck
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People think I have courage. The courage in my family are my wife Pam, my three daughters, here, Nicole, Jamie, LeeAnn, my mom, who’s right here too. ~ Jim Valvano
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Take my wife… Please! ~ Henny Youngman
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That’s what a man wants in a wife, mostly; he wants to make sure one fool tells him he’s wise. ~ George Eliot
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The bitterest creature under heaven is the wife who discovers that her husband’s bravery is only bravado, that his strength is only a uniform, that his power is but a gun in the hands of a fool. ~ Pearl S. Buck
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The consumer isn’t a moron; she is your wife. ~ David Ogilvy
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The fact is that my wife if she had common sense would have more power over me than any other whatsoever, for my heart always alights upon the nearest perch. ~ George Byron
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The fact that my 15 minutes of fame has extended a little longer than 15 minutes is somewhat surprising to me and completely baffling to my wife. ~ Barack Obama
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The first thing I did when I sold my book was buy a new wedding ring for my wife and asked her to marry me all over again. ~ Nicholas Sparks
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The game is my wife. It demands loyalty and responsibility, and it gives me back fulfillment and peace. ~ Michael Jordan
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The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself. ~ Voltaire
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The love we have in our youth is superficial compared to the love that an old man has for his old wife. ~ Will Durant
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The man who loves other countries as much as his own stands on a level with the man who loves other women as much as he loves his own wife. ~ Theodore Roosevelt
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The only solid and lasting peace between a man and his wife is, doubtless, a separation. ~ Lord Chesterfield
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The only thing I like more than my wife is my money, and I’m not about to lose that to her and her lawyers, that’s for damn sure. ~ Jon Bon Jovi
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The philosophy of the common man is an old wife that gives him no pleasure, yet he cannot live without her, and resents any aspersions that strangers may cast on her character. ~ George Santayana
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There are three faithful friends – an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. ~ Benjamin Franklin
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There is no lonelier man in death, except the suicide, than that man who has lived many years with a good wife and then outlived her. If two people love each other there can be no happy end to it. ~ Ernest Hemingway
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There is no such thing as being good to your wife. ~ Gertrude Stein
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There is nothing like a good dose of another woman to make a man appreciate his wife. ~ Clare Boothe Luce
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There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends. ~ Homer
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There’s just me and my wife and a dog and we feed him Healthy Choice also. ~ Mike Ditka
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There’s quite a lot of bad stuff written about me. My wife even says a lot of bad stuff about me. But she is wonderful. ~ Michael Caine
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Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first. ~ Billy Sunday
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We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. ~ H. L. Mencken
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Wealth – any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband. ~ H. L. Mencken
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Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet – it was a marriage of convenience! ~ Tommy Cooper
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
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When a man makes a woman his wife, it’s the highest compliment he can pay her, and it’s usually the last. ~ Helen Rowland
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When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart. ~ Helen Rowland
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Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner’s inquest. ~ H. L. Mencken
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
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Women desire six things: They want their husbands to be brave, wise, rich, generous, obedient to wife, and lively in bed. ~ Geoffrey Chaucer
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You can bear your own faults, and why not a fault in your wife? ~ Benjamin Franklin
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You can forgive people who do not follow you through a philosophical disquisition; but to find your wife laughing when you had tears in your eyes, or staring when you were in a fit of laughter, would go some way towards a dissolution of the marriage. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
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You can’t stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat. ~ Mike Tyson
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You know, my life’s changed now. I’m starting to experience what people are really supposed to do. You supposed to be married. You’re supposed to have a family, kids, treat your wife right. ~ Mike Epps
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You only require two things in life: your sanity and your wife. ~ Tony Blair
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