A computer lets you…

(This page dedicated to Laptop Computer Zone)

“A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history-with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.”

A Mitch Ratcliffe Quote

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Computer/Programmer Quotes: Trivia to Reality

Here is a collection of computer and programmer quotes. These are dedicated to www.LaptopComputerZone.com a site dedicated to laptop computers. The owner of the site started programming in the early 70s and just retired from that field within the last few years. He was involved in both programming and system development on some of the largest mainframe computers to applications that run on laptops. From initial programming systems that ran when people were using dumb terminals, to programs interacting with the internet. He programmed for offline applications, the original banking online systems, retail and manufacturing on-line systems, to PC, laptop, and Internet systems.

The quotes here span the gamut of information processing and programming from mainframes to PCs. We hope you enjoy them as much as we have in collecting them. These are just a few of many such computer and programming quotes.

• A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history-with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. ~ Mitch Ratcliffe
• A computer makes it possible to do, in half an hour, tasks which were completely unnecessary to do before. ~ Author Unknown
• A computer will not make a good manager out of a bad manager. It makes a good manager better faster and a bad manager worse faster.~ Edward Esber
• Any fool can use a computer. Many do. ~ Author unknown
• Artificial Intelligence: the art of making computers that behave like the ones in movies.~ Bill Bulko
• Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity. ~ Author unknown
• As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications. ~ Dave Parnas
• At least my pencil never crashes! ~ Author Unknown
• At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. ~ Author Unknown
• Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? ~ Author Unknown
• BASIC is to computer programming as QWERTY is to typing. ~ Seymour Papert
• Beat the computer, program your life. ~Author Unknown
• Before software should be reusable, it should be usable. ~ Ralph Johnson
• Better to be a geek than an idiot. ~ Author unknown
• COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods. ~ Author unknown
• Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer. ~ Author unknown
• Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes. ~ Edsger W. Dijkstra
• Computer programmers do it byte by byte.~Author Unknown
• Computer viruses are an urban legend. ~ Peter Norton, 1988

 

Laptop Computers

 

• Computers WORK, people THINK.~ IBM Corporation
• Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.~ Pablo Picasso
• Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don’t add up.~ James Magary
• Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns. ~ Mitch Ratcliffe
• Computers have lots of memory but no imagination. ~ Author Unknown
• Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.~ Andy Rooney
• Computing is not about computers any more. It is about living. ~ Nicholas Negroponte
• Crap… Someone knocked over my recycle bin… There’s icons all over my desktop… ~ Author unknown
• Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes. ~ Dave Barry
• Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail. ~ Author unknown
• Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.~ Bruce Graham
• Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows. ~ Author unknown
• Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. ~Jeff Pesis
• Hardware: where the people in your company’s software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company’s hardware section will tell you the problem is. ~ Dave Barry
• Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. ~ Doug Larson
• I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.~ Isaac Asimov
• If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0 ~ Author unknown
• If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. ~ Author unknown
• If you automate a mess, you get an automated mess. ~ Rod Michael
• If you can’t beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.~ Author Unknown
• If you don’t want to be replaced by a computer, don’t act like one. ~ Author unknown
• If you don’t know how to do something, you don’t know how to do it with a computer.~ Author Unknown
• I have always wished for a computer that would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish came true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.~ Bjarne Stronstrup
• I haven’t lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere. ~ Author Unknown
• I just wish my mouth had a backspace key. ~Author Unknown
• In 2031, lawyers will be commonly a part of most development teams. ~ Grady Booch
• In God we trust, all others we virus scan. ~Author Unknown
• In the future, computers may weigh no more than 1.5 tonnes. ~ Popular mechanics, 1949
• I see little commercial potential for the Internet for at least ten years. ~ Bill Gates, 1994
• It’s hardware that makes a machine fast. It’s software that makes a fast machine slow. ~ Craig Bruce
• I went to a gentleman’s cybercafe — and they offered me a ‘laptop dance’. ~ Author unknown
• I wish life had an Undo function. ~ Author Unknown
• Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups. ~ Author Unknown
• Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error ~ Author unknown

• Mac users swear by their computers. PC users swear at their computers. ~Author Unknown
• Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games. ~ Scott Adams
• Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all.~ John F.Kennedy
• Microsoft: “You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips. ~ Author unknown
• My computer must be broken: whenever I ask a wrong question, it gives a wrong answer.~ Ashleigh Brilliant
• Never let a computer know you’re in a hurry. ~ Author Unknown
• Never trust a computer which you cannot lift. ~ Dave Boulton
• One of the most feared expressions in modern times is The computer is down. ~ Norman Augustine
• Programs must be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute. ~ Abelson and Sussman
• Putting a computer in front of a child and expecting it to teach him is like putting a book under his pillow.~ Author Unknown
• Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google. ~ Author unknown
• Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat “what if?” questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working. ~Dave Barry
• SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it. ~ Author unknown
• The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor. ~ Werner von Braun
• The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before. ~ Bill Gates
• The future lies in designing and selling computers that people don’t realize are computers at all. ~ Adam Osborne
• The Internet? We are not interested in it. ~ Bill Gates
• The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents. ~ Author unknown
• The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That’s where we come in; we’re computer professionals. We cause accidents.~ Nathaniel Borenstein
• The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back. ~ Author Unknown
• The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.~ Edsger W.Dijkstra
• There are only two things wrong with C++: The initial concept and the implementation. ~ Bertrand Meyer
• There are three kinds of death in this world. There’s heart death, there’s brain death, and there’s being off the network. ~ Guy Almes
• There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer. ~J.H. Goldfuss
• They don’t make bugs like Bunny anymore. ~ Olav Mjelde
• Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data.Guess which has occurred. ~ David Dixon
• Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don’t let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months. ~ Clifford Stoll
• Two years from now, spam will be solved. ~ Author unknownBill Gates, 2004
• UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity. ~ Dennis Ritchie
• We build our computer (systems) the way we build our cities: over time, without a plan, on top of ruins. ~ Ellen Ullman
• We have to stop optimizing for programmers and start optimizing for users. ~ Jeff Atwood
• What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a ‘modem’, can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo. ~ Dave Barry
• What boots up must come down. ~ Author Unknown
• When someone says: ‘I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done’, give him a lollipop. ~ Alan J. Perlis
• Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users? ~ Author unknown
• Windows Vista: It’s like upgrading from Bill Clinton to George W. Bush. ~ Author unknown
• Wisdom is perishable. Unlike information or knowledge, it cannot be stored in a computer or recorded in a book. It expires with each passing generation.~ Sid Taylor
• Yesterday it worked, Today it is not working, Windows is like that ~ Margaret Segall

 

“A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history-with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
“

A Mitch Ratcliffe Quote

 

This quote and page is dedicated to Laptop Computer Zone [www.LaptopComputerZone.com]

 

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