Marriage Quotes to Consider

Marriage quotes – funny or not?

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.

Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of “rings”:
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Another selection of marriage quotes – funny or not?

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

It’s true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!

There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

Marriage Quotes – funny or not?

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.”

“The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much.”

“A woman voting for divorce is like a turkey voting for Christmas.”

“The longest sentence you can form with two words is: I do.”

“If you never want to see a man again say, ‘I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children’. They leave skid marks.”

“Dammit sir, it’s your duty to get married. You can’t be always living for pleasure.”

“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.”

“Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.”

“An open marriage is natures way of telling you that you need a divorce.”

Check out these funny quotes about marriage?

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. -Winston Churchill

lol..some really funny marriage quotes… i found them online..thought of sharing with ya…?

#1.My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

#2.I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.

#3.Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers

#4.My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food….. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

#5.We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

#6. i take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

#7.My husband said it was him or the cat… I miss him sometimes.

#8.I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

#9.I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
the last one is my fav…. and also no. 7..lol
banjaran..i m 15…YEAH…i m unmarried…lol…

Some quotes about marriage…Funny or true xxxxx?

A husband expects his wife to be perfect…and to understand why he’s not.

A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

Marriage still confers one very special privilege, only a married person can get divorced.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred.

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo…

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Marriage is a ceremony that turns your dreamboat into a barge.

A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers.

A wedding ring is like a tourniquet; it cuts off your circulation.

All marriages are happy; it’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems.

Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy…by remaining a bachelor.

Marriage quotes III – funny or not?

A man was complaining to a friend: “I had it all – money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman-then, BAM!, it was all gone!”
“What happened?” asked his friend.
“My wife found out…
Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, “Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death.”

Marriage quotes II – funny or not?

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.”
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
A woman was telling her friend, “I made my husband a millionaire.”
“And what was he before you married him?”asked the friend.
The woman replied, “A billionaire.
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, “I’ve found a woman just like mother!”
His father replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.